Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Index 23
I think that the school is a place of discipline as it help us to be ready in the social . The school bring us to be on the right track . The school teach us some values of life . We study in school to have a good future . Teachers scold us are for our own good . Example of bring us to have a good future : studying well and having discipline in our doing . Discipline is needing in school as if there is no discipline in school , we cannot focus in lesson . A school can be enjoyable if there sufficient discipline and not too much discipline . Too much discipline will make the lesson boring and very hard to focus . If there is not enough discipline , it will be too noisy and very hard to focus. But school is not the only place with discipline , everywhere is a place with discipline . We have to have discipline with our action everywhere. At last , discipline is the important values in life so we need to have discipline in our life.
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Register 25
ReplyDeleteI think that school is a place we make friends,learn new things and have fun.Its almost like our second home,i consider discipline as 1 of the most important factor to making the school a more comfortable environment.
When we grow older we will also need discipline,when we working, completing documents and so on and so fourth.So it would be better if we are able to be discipline now rather than learn good human qualities when we are older.
But in my opinion,i also think that too much enforcing of discipline will also drive student to nuts. They will feel too much pressure if things are handled this way. Of course we also must not let it too loose or majority of the students will grow up to become a rebellious and unreasonable person.
I also like the fact that disciplinary action and punish are taken when a student commits a serious offense in school.I believed this is the absolutely correct way to warm the student that he is not abiding the school rules and should change his behaviour.
For me i think that the education system now in Singapore is superb,it has a great balance on the discipline level.
Although students might hate the teacher or the discipline master for punishing them when they commit an offense but they will realise they might not be what they are right now if the teacher did not punish them in the past.
Index 25: This is a well-thought out essay. While your paragraphing and organization are okay, there are some things that can be improved.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I note that although your essay appears balanced, it is more in favour of discipline than non discipline. This is fine, but you need to be aware that your essay is more argumentative than expository.
Secondly, your paragraphing is not consistent. Some of your paragraphs only contain one sentence while others seem very long. You need to re-organize your points.
Lastly, your essay has a rather unconventional organizing style. You begin with an agreement with the topic statement, then you tried o balance it by saying that schools should not be too harsh. You then argue that schools should be balanced in meeting out discipline.
This is not wrong, and I like that you actually pulled the organization off pretty well. Just make sure your paragraphs are better organized.
Index no 23:
ReplyDeleteYour essay appears to me to be more of an opinion piece. While this would not have been wrong in a journal or diary, it is not suitable for a piece of formal writing.
For one thing, you need to balance your argument, then it should not be in one whole paragraph but separated by point.