School is a place for studying,playing and fun and laughter.School is like a second house to us and a place to gain more knowledge.It is also a place for us to make new and caring friends and even good teachers.But,we would still disagree that discipline in school is important,yet we should still have fun but not forgeting the discipline in school.
To begin,we will first talk about the rules that should be implant into the school.Rules such as Discipline,Behaviour and many more others.Without these rules,we are sure that we cannot concentrate in studying. Also, the problem we face are conflicting with teachers,the students will be stress when facing the teachers.
If we cannot get along with our teachers,we would not concentrate what our teacher is teaching.Thus,this will result in getting low marks for our upcoming examination.Even if our teacher discipline us,some of us might not change for the better.So if disciplinary does not work,the only way is to bond our relationship with the teachers.
If our relationship with the teachers are good,we would understand how difficult it is to teach us.Thus,we would change over a new leaf for our teachers and start paying attention to what the teacher is teaching.In time to come,our results will be better.
Dear no. 27, 35 and 37,
ReplyDeleteYou have a good essay out, but it can still be polished, especially organisation.
Firstly, you began the body of the essay correctly with "to begin with". This is good. However, you go on to argue why schools SHOULD have discipline, which is against your own opinion in the introduction.
Remember the format? The first paragraph of the body SHOULD support your own opinion, which is that you disagree that schools should become a place of discipline.
Secondly, the next paragraph which begins with "If" looks a lot like elaboration to me. As such, it seems to me that rather than a bunch of different points, what you have is a well-rounded single point on why discipline doesn't work in school because discipline leads to conflicts with teachers.
Thirdly, your 4th paragraph should begin with "As such/In addition" instead of another "If" because it argues that a good relationship with the teacher rather than a disciplinarian one and is a further explanation of the previous paragraph.
In conclusion, as the first three points I've raised shows, you have only mostly argued one side of the topic, nor is there really a conclusion.
I see that you three are pretty good at coming up with detailed explanations for your points, and that's a skill you should hone. However, do remember to always balance your argument to show objectivity in your essay.